Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Complementarian or Eagalitarian?

I remember when I was in an SBC church and had to teach a class on marriage, within the context of Sunday School and I was uncomfortable with the material that was presented by the video.  I still go to an SBC church but it is more of the reformed taste.  Moving toward Philadelphia (instead of Rome)?  Nah, just wanted the expression, especially to my kids, to be more sincere about what faith we profess.

I had to get up after that and apologize that I did not agree with the video in the least, the whole issue? I lean toward Complementarianism and the speaker on the video did not. I would say that, me saying that I am a Comlementatrian, would be a slight to anyone who held that view. I say that tongue in cheek because I came from a family where I had 5 sisters and 1 brother.  Mind you that I had an authoritarian figure of a father who ruled our house and all complied with him.  In fact, I remember when at his funeral they played audio of him that he made before he died, he said about me, "Tim, I don't know where you came from...".  It was truly meant as a compliment but now, looking back, I see it as a point of frustration for him and disappointment that I wasn't more like him.  Okay, enough with personal stuff.  I had 5 sisters, I joke and say that I had 6 mothers. :)
This was no easy thing for me, taking the lead and becoming a man in the midst of so much estrogen.  I did at times look at that with bitterness because I sure would've used more manly influence.  I thought it telling that when I had a conversation with one of my sisters a couple of years ago, I looked up to my Mother instead of my Father because she was the one who had worked all my growing up years.  My Father, suffering from health problems, would stay home and be there when I got home from school.  I never really saw my Dad "go to work" but maybe for 3-4 months or less at a time.
I give this background because if anyone should be an Egalitarian it would be me!  Again I'm not a full blown Complementarian but I think it is because of sinful reasons.  I normally don't want to take the lead, I want to sit back in comfort and watch a strong woman take charge which they normally will, every time.  My struggle in the area of sexual purity handicaps me in leading and being more of a man because I see something that I want more than a family.  I say this to my shame.  You would think that living with 5 sisters there would be more respect but I think that would explain more of my Father's absenteeism and authoritarian stature that I saw.  So a high respect of women isn't high on my list.  That is a subtle nuance, sinful yet attracting, that I would love to be more Egalitarian, my reason would say, "it would give more respect to women and that would make me feel better."  But again, would that make them feel better, floundering and having to be more the authority because you don't want to be?  I know that it is a role that has been thrust on women but is that because of men's sinful behavior or because of obedience?  I remember that same SS class having an older couple come in and give us clues on how to have a successful relationship.  One of the success' that they shared was that when he, the husband, would come home from a long day at work they didn't greet him, they just let him go have "his time", after he was ready then he would come out and greet them.  Really?  Poor guy just couldn't handle it and she had to take up the slack for him - BTW, that is how it was nuanced from what was said.  That is a pity in so many ways, MAN UP!  If that is success than give me the failure door for $200 Bob (The Price is Right). :)  So, is that walking in obedience, making sure you get your "me time" so that you don't "go off" on your kids?  Aw, poor man, just can't handle work and family? :)  Listen, I know that it is hard to have a family and work and commute but when I come home, guess who is waiting...two boys and a girl who, when they hear the garage open up are right on me and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Just some questions observed.  I still change diapers and clean the house, so I think it is more than just an action, done or not done, that would make one a Complementarian or Egalitarian.  In fact, I think it would make it more viable for me to excuse my wife to do it if I didn't have more of a Complementarian view of things.  I believe that I contribute everywhere and not just in leadership ways.  I think men have felt less than, especially in this area, because we tend to do those things, cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc...and say that your a Complementarian.  Am I not suppose to sit on my throne and rule?  Well, if your following the example of Jesus, yes and no, he ruled but also washed the disciples feet.  All this is to introduce the below video from a website called reform, I thought at first it was a joke because I got it from the fellas at ref21, a women talking about Complementarianism, joke right?  Wrong, she makes some very strong points, I'll let you see:

Carrie Sandom from Jason Rooper on Vimeo.
May God grow us in grace as we look to him for clarity in areas of debate.
Your boasting friend,

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